Friends

Over the last few days, I've been reading Rachel Bertsche's MWF Seeking BFF. The author is a married gal in her late 20's who, after two years in Chicago, still doesn't have any close friends in the city. So, naturally, she embarks on a one year quest to find a BFF.*

I don't relate to everything the author writes about - while we're the same age, I have a few years of marriage and a kid on her, so while carving more time out for friendships seems fun, the idea of going out to dinner at city hotspots multiple times a week is simply not in the cards for this mama. She herself ponders whether she is trying too hard to hold on to her post-grad days, while for me, that ship has sailed long ago.

Still, she brings up some good points, and the more I read, the more her search is hitting home for me. While I still have a couple close friend in town, work and babies usurp the majority of our time, so getting together isn't a regular thing. Getting together as a group of girls happens even less frequently. I don't think I knew how much I was craving friendship until last week. At a mom's group in the morning I found out one of the women at my table lives around the corner from me - we talked at length about our houses - the horrible condition they were both in when we bought them, how the floor plans had been changed from the original, the current housing market, etc. And while that doesn't sound like a soulful exchange, I definitely felt a twinge of happiness, or maybe relief, knowing a mom I could potentially get to know was just around the corner from me. Later the same day, I took Brooklyn on a play date, and the mom and I had an hour-long, engaging conversation where we both admitted not feeling at home among Santa Barbara moms (they often feel a little too hippy for us), and realized both of us felt like maybe we belonged in Texas. These are commonalities that even my best friends and I do not share, and going home that evening, I realized that getting to know new people is something I have been sorely missing in my life. That while with my close friends, the depth of friendship is still there, since graduating from college, and certainly since having kids, the width of my relationships has narrowed to a virtual thread. Being a stay-at-home mom makes it hard - so many potential hang-out pals work while I play with B, and play while I am trying to get some valuable shut-eye. But I have not made good on my promise to become a regular at my pilates class, or been my outgoing self at the book club I'm a a part of. Sticking to what (or who) you know is so much easier, but happiness, as we've all been told, can only come from stretching outside the comfort zone. And if you are one of my friends, let this be a reminder for you to CALL ME.

In the meantime, I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to this Saturday. It's girl time at a friends house, complete with wine and massages, and one of my dearest friends and I are making the hour-drive to and from solo - we won't even have the babies to worry about. Just good music and adult conversation. Lovely.


To Friendship,
Meg


*Is it just me, or is the one-year quest a guaranteed way to become a NYT Bestseller? Gretchin Rubin and The Happiness Project, Elizabeth Gilbert and Eat, Pray, Love... I've read these books and enjoyed them, but the formula seems to be getting a little trite. On that note, if you have any stellar one-year quest ideas, I am totally down to snag a book deal so any recommendations are welcome.